Few more hours till the end

Just few more hours till 2009, makes me think and look back on my 2008. How it was, who I met along the way, how they became part of my life and I to them. People and friends I met and lost along the way. I can say this was a very different year. Makes me realize what and this year change my life. What I've been thru, what I've had to deal with, had to experience, had to do for me and for some people. How I affected them and how they affected me. This was a year full of colors and emotions, from being happy to being all down and full of sadness and aches. Opened my eyes to certain things, how and why things happen, how those things change a person for good or bad, how it affects the way we think, feel and react on things thereafter. This is really learning experience for me, how we should always cherish family and friends and people who are dear to us, how we should always try to show them how important they are to us. So in the end there wont be any regrets, you can always say " at least i tried ". Thru all those things i learn, love and learned. This seem to be a really memorable year, makes me wonder what is next.

Merry Christmas? Is there really something to be merry about?

I remember how fun christmas was, maybe not this year. Just can't wait til' it's over. Being a grinch? Oh well who cares. It's almost the end of the year again, made me think how was my year and what I did with it. All I can say it was memorable for good and bad. I learned alot from it. And it came to the point that I even felt like falling off from a ledge and into a almost seem like a bottomless pit, but when I did reach the bottom, the pain of falling seem endless. Yet I kept climbing back on that ledge. What does that prove? You tell me...
People ask where is that pride of the lion? What pride ? LOL
But there's something I'm thankful of, made me realize how lucky I am to have friends and families that do care about me, who I've thought weren't as opened minded as I expect them to be. And it really surprised me. If it weren't for them hmmmn what would have happened next. Is the cold December getting to me? Am I getting cold? Hmmmn what I do know I got a cough and a runny nose which suxx.

When you feel everything is coming to an end... then what?

Its been almost a month or so now, been fighting for something i cant let go of. Why do i feel like its almost the end, but yet i'm still not certain. Even though the situation is becoming a little bit easier to bare, why am i still dwelling on doubt? Why do i feel like this? Why is everything still a blur.
There's just no words to describe how i felt for awhile now.... When at first i know what im fighting for? Even though people tell me its time to let go, yet im still holding on.. But what's so different now? When things are getting better, isn't it supposed to be less pain to bare? less stress? less things to think about? Then what is goin on? Am i giving up? Am i close to the end? Am i starting to feel numb? I dont even know which one is the truth and which one is not, Everything is so confusing. When there is alot of opportunity to grab infront of me, why can't i make myself to do so. This all feels like a long and painful journey, I just hope all of this got something good at the end of this road waiting for me. I hope all this is just a test and to make me a stronger person. I hope all this got a reason. I know that i did things which i can't take back. Maybe i do deserve all these.