Few more hours till the end

Just few more hours till 2009, makes me think and look back on my 2008. How it was, who I met along the way, how they became part of my life and I to them. People and friends I met and lost along the way. I can say this was a very different year. Makes me realize what and this year change my life. What I've been thru, what I've had to deal with, had to experience, had to do for me and for some people. How I affected them and how they affected me. This was a year full of colors and emotions, from being happy to being all down and full of sadness and aches. Opened my eyes to certain things, how and why things happen, how those things change a person for good or bad, how it affects the way we think, feel and react on things thereafter. This is really learning experience for me, how we should always cherish family and friends and people who are dear to us, how we should always try to show them how important they are to us. So in the end there wont be any regrets, you can always say " at least i tried ". Thru all those things i learn, love and learned. This seem to be a really memorable year, makes me wonder what is next.

Merry Christmas? Is there really something to be merry about?

I remember how fun christmas was, maybe not this year. Just can't wait til' it's over. Being a grinch? Oh well who cares. It's almost the end of the year again, made me think how was my year and what I did with it. All I can say it was memorable for good and bad. I learned alot from it. And it came to the point that I even felt like falling off from a ledge and into a almost seem like a bottomless pit, but when I did reach the bottom, the pain of falling seem endless. Yet I kept climbing back on that ledge. What does that prove? You tell me...
People ask where is that pride of the lion? What pride ? LOL
But there's something I'm thankful of, made me realize how lucky I am to have friends and families that do care about me, who I've thought weren't as opened minded as I expect them to be. And it really surprised me. If it weren't for them hmmmn what would have happened next. Is the cold December getting to me? Am I getting cold? Hmmmn what I do know I got a cough and a runny nose which suxx.

When you feel everything is coming to an end... then what?

Its been almost a month or so now, been fighting for something i cant let go of. Why do i feel like its almost the end, but yet i'm still not certain. Even though the situation is becoming a little bit easier to bare, why am i still dwelling on doubt? Why do i feel like this? Why is everything still a blur.
There's just no words to describe how i felt for awhile now.... When at first i know what im fighting for? Even though people tell me its time to let go, yet im still holding on.. But what's so different now? When things are getting better, isn't it supposed to be less pain to bare? less stress? less things to think about? Then what is goin on? Am i giving up? Am i close to the end? Am i starting to feel numb? I dont even know which one is the truth and which one is not, Everything is so confusing. When there is alot of opportunity to grab infront of me, why can't i make myself to do so. This all feels like a long and painful journey, I just hope all of this got something good at the end of this road waiting for me. I hope all this is just a test and to make me a stronger person. I hope all this got a reason. I know that i did things which i can't take back. Maybe i do deserve all these.

Another day...

Woke up with a hangover, didnt really wanna get up. Had to force myself to get up and get ready.
all i can think of is the same. I dont know how long i can keep doing this. Been blank in the head. I dont even feel like working. Since i have to work after church.
Decided to get off early from work.
SPARKS... in front of me.
ill just sit...
Thinkin...

i messed up

today was the day my heart fell.... gone....
i didnt wanna hurt anyone....
the problem all along was me....
i regret what i did...
i hope i could fix it....
i guess its too late...
i dont think she can accept me again....
she already gave up on me....
i dunno what else to do...
i dunno what else to think....
im all tied up....
stuck.....
how much im sorry means nothing anymore.....
theres no more purpose....
she will never come back....
theres fate....
gone....
i messed up.....

its not over

people say if you love someone, you gotta learn to let them go and be happy....

but its not over yet....

there's always hope........

take care always....

hope you always gonna be happy......

TWO DAYS OF NOTHINGNESS

past TWO days was just different from any other day...
everything was a blur,
gotta force yourself to mingle with people even though you are not in the mood,
you gotta force yourself up to start the day,
you feel numb but you ain't drugged up or drunk from any kind of liqour,
the time just goes really slow even though you are busy,
gotta put up a smile on your face even though it kept ending up with a frown,
you try to be normal but yet you are different,
gotta put up a show just to finish the night,
gotta give people advice even though you are hurting inside,
all these for just two days.....
But somewhat i'm glad for it, it made me realize whats important,
what makes someone complete,
what we need to have to get through all the problems we have to face,
who we need to go to when this times come,
who we need to hold on to,
what we need to do to make that person hold our hand, know that that person is holding on and make sure to " NEVER LET GO"
makes you realize what we want to have in the future,
who we wanna be with,
what we wanna do with our lives,
And that makes that "TWO DAYS OF BEING NOTHING" becomes a better person in us,
And someone up there is listening when we do pray, and it was proven.....

why?

why?

A Question.......

Been hanging out with a friends....
One of my friends started talking about his girl who lives like hours away....
He seem to talk about his relationship with the girl, how they talk on the phone.
But my friend is worried sometimes whenever he doesnt talk to the girl for a day....
I asked why?, he just replied," he doesnt know what she is doin or how is she "
Since sometimes the girl doesn't pick up her phone or call him back or reply to the text messages,
he thinks that the girl is just gonna pick up whenever its convenient for her or something or call whenever. He seem to love the girl, and they see each other... But why is he still worried? I couldn't give him an answer since i don't know the girl that well, He seems to always wonder....
But every time they talk, it seem that nothing is wrong with the relationship, its like a normal one.

The question is?

should he worry?
is it just a trust issue?
what does he need to do?
should he just keep wondering ?
should he always keep expecting for the worst?

He kept saying that he always got alot of question in his head...

REPOST.... from LAUNDRYQUEEN

I was browsing today and i found this...

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE

Most people go into a relationship believing they are “in love”. The sad fact is that most people in our world today do not know what “love” is. Oh, sure we think we do and most of the time we pretend we do, but the reality remains that we are ignorant to the true meaning of the word “love”. This hinders our ability to locate our soul mate and secure a happy and divorce free marriage. This lack of knowledge is leaving the majority of Americans dealing with bouts of depression and feelings of no self worth. With depression they tend to lose themselves under large financial difficulties that are not easily rectified. This creates a less productive and unhappy future for everyone.

The best definition for the word “love” is one I heard only with in the last year. This explanation was given to me and others by a gentle man by the name of Dr. Ray he is a radio D.J. for a national christen radio station. His definition went like this, “Love is a commitment. Not an emotion.” That explanation is such an epiphany for me and I hope for others.

In looking at Dr. Ray’s interpretation of the word “love”, I have realized that we all look at “love” as an emotion. How quick are we to fall victim to our feelings when they are running high in lust for another, and we utter the words “I Love You.” This is not “love”, it is lust and a whole load of other emotions. Granted it feels spectacular and invigorating, this is why it is so easy to get confused. Today’s television programs provide even more confusion, how are we to make a rational assessment of our relationship?

HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE?

Another Saturday .....

Today is a slow day for me... i dunno why... got up and went to church where i play the drums for... and i got there i felt like i did not want to be there... I was hoping to go home early.
After church went home, now i'm home i dont even wanna be here at home, and later tonight by band is playing at beale st. bar and grill in SF, but yet im not even excited to go. I felt like i just wanna go somewhere but i dunno where. I wanna do something but i dunno what. Now all im doing is just back to sitting infront of the computer and browsin. WTF i dunno whats wrong with me.

Long Time, No Post

Again here i am. Goin back to this.

Its been a REALLY long time since i last posted, Things have happened that makes me realize what i have in life. People i need to appreciate, Person i need to hold closer. Though I don't know what will tomorrow bring, I'm always hoping its for the better. Though there's always a sign of pain and laughter, whatever it is i hope it makes me stronger everyday. Sometimes i feel i am already Rock Bottom, yet people tells me there is always something waiting for me at the end of each gray morning. Even sometimes I don't feel moving anymore, that little shine of light gives me hope.
I wish i can say there will be a happy ending. But reality will just bite me back. Maybe i should just cherish everyday and see where it will take me.

little some something

I is for the INTENSE feeling you made me feel.
L is for the LONGING desire to have you here.
O is for the OVERBEARING feeling to hold you close.
V is for the VICTORY when i make you smile the most.
E is for the ENJOYMENT of moments i spent with you.
Y is for YEARNING when i am far away from you.
O is for OVERWHELMING happiness you brought me.
U is for the UNIQUE things in you i see........

though these are just three words to make you believe,
its not enough to describe the joy you've given me.

Updates...

Been too lazy to update this thing, just bored out of my mind, thought i'd do this. Since its been awhile since i put up something on here.

Things about me...
As so everyone knows its the time of the year where we owe UNCLE SAM, so i went to our tax preparer, then he prepared my taxes, then i found out i have to pay.. which suxx, sigh its not fun to know that i owe money. But theres nothing i can do but give Uncle Sam the money. Oh well....

April 11th 2008
Kat arrived for a weekend layover... so i picked her up at the hotel, then we went home to change since i just got off work, then we went to get something to eat at subway, then i took her to watch the wave in pacifica. Since it was a really nice and warm day, we enjoyed watching other people playing at the beach and we took pictures :D, i had fun.. After the Beach Date :D we went back home to just relax. When my rents' got home, I took em out for dinner, had a hard time deciding where to go so we ended up at the vietnamese resto in WESTLAKE in DC. We got so full lol, so we went to Hollywood Video to drop off the DVD's i rented. Walking around the vid place, i saw a 360 game so i rented it then Kat wanted to watch the "BEE MOVIE", Since i havent seen it, we rented it, then went home and watched the movie. Kat had icecream and i had a lime cheesecake :D.

April 12th.....

Woke up on a sat morning with KAT :D , it was just so nice. not having to rush and do my SAT. routine, so we had coffee and a little B/F then got ready to drive downtown SF to check out the GG Park. When we got there, there was alot of people and it was hard to find a parking, since some streets are closed from vehicles. Only bikes and people on foot are allowed to pass thru, so we just kept lookin for a parking, then when we found a spot, we walked around then took pics. After the park, we headed back home and rested. I got ready to go to band practice, then Kat decided to took something for dinner instead of going out to eat. So i dropped her off to the supermarket to shop, while i got to practice.

Band practice was just hmnnn blah, it just seem no one was just into it... And the upcoming show is next week. So we just decided that to practice again within this week before the gig. After practice they planned to go to a friends' bday. So i just went home, found out that Kat cooked " SINIGANG" it was hella good ( except that it would be nice if there was those green peppers to make it spicy lol kidding :D ) but i was hella happy when she cooked, couldnt help and kiss her :D.. happy happy joy joy hehe.... We went to bed early coz she had to leave early......

April 13th

Another day...
Its the time for Kat to leave....
Back to work...
Back to waiting....
6 weeks...