Saturday, February 21, 2009

A day of mourning...

R.I.P SID
2 / 20 / 09

Its been 2 and a half years since i adopted my dog SID from a local shelter which i found online.
I remembered browsing through different profiles of dogs that are up for adoption when i found his pic, Then i decided to come up with the money to get him. Then when adoption day arrived hurried to get to where the adoption place was at and hoping that i could be the first to get him. At first i thought someone else already adopted him, we got there and there was a lot of different breeds of dogs from small to really large and some loud to really quiet and shy. I couldn't decide which one to get since i wanted a big dog, but there wasn't one that i really like. Then i saw a girl holding a brown fluffy dog, which i thought wasn't included for the adoption. I told her the dog was cute and i asked her how old it was and is it her dog. Then she told me she was just dog sitting and yes it was up for adoption too. So i asked her if i can hold the dog and try to walk it around and for some odd reason it already listened to me when i call his name :). Then i asked the girl why they named it SID, found out it was named after a late rockstar " Sid Vicious " who died from overdose. Then so i asked the girl if it was potty trained and some bit more info on how did they get the hold of the dog, and if it has some medical problems. Since SID seem to be fine, i told her i want him and arranged all the paper works and after a few signing and talking to them i get to take SID home with me. Finally i got a over sized pomeranian( since he was too big for his breed ).
I remembered taking him to the dog park at Fort Funston, He started chasing after other dogs which i think was a little weird. It seem that he doesnt like other dogs, for a quiet dog like sid, He is vicious when it comes to other dogs. He will try to get at them and growl and bark at them. So i decided to just walk him away from other dogs. Fun times. My family started to treat Sid as a baby and spoiled him like a kid. He even learned that im the dad, my mom as his grandma, and my dad as his grandpa. Which i find really cool. We always talk about its gonna be a sad day when sid leaves us since he is really becoming a big part of our family and to consider having a pet come up to you when you get home and having a pet to play with.
Few months back he started having breathing problems and so we decided to take him to a ve and get him checked, they said he is overweight and needs to lose it because thats causing his shortness of breath and since my dog is a couch potato like his dad :), he needs to run more and take long walks. So we try to put him on a diet and walk him but the coughing got worse so we took him again to the doctors and they prescribed him different meds which the last one he took which we thought was making him better was really making a big difference. He was coughing but not as bad anymore, So we thought that he was getting better and soon he will be able to go back like he was before.
So today when i was at work, my dad called me on my phone and told me to call my mom to check up on her and SID. I asked what happened, my dad told me that my dog had a seizure and she took him to the vet. So i called my mom and asked how my dog was, Then she just said " SID is gone " , " He passed away ". My heart just fell and i asked what happend, I didnt expect this to happen so soon and its so unexpected. Since last night i walked him and he was still fine. Then i saw him this morning before i went to work and he was still sleeping. It was just so unreal, havent lost a pet before so for me i thought its like a goldfish, that when it dies you can get another. Sid was part of my family already and we already got used of having him around. We will surely miss him. This is just another example of the saying " Never take someone or something for granted " Spend as much time as you can with them even if its just a pet. Because we might never know when they will leave us.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

is it time?

Its been a long day at work.. Tired, yet went to practice, then had coffee at starbucks.
thoughts just kept flying through my head. Thinking. I don't even know where this thoughts are going. I dont even know why i tend to make it harder for myself when i can just walk away? hmmnn when should i do that? how do we know when its about time to STOP? why am i having a hard time to do so? Past stuff was easy to just walk away from, and yet now i cant do it? Is'nt it supposed to be past experiences makes a person wiser? Yet i dont know if im getting any. Whats the next step? Should i always be in the waiting list?

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Few more hours till the end

Just few more hours till 2009, makes me think and look back on my 2008. How it was, who I met along the way, how they became part of my life and I to them. People and friends I met and lost along the way. I can say this was a very different year. Makes me realize what and this year change my life. What I've been thru, what I've had to deal with, had to experience, had to do for me and for some people. How I affected them and how they affected me. This was a year full of colors and emotions, from being happy to being all down and full of sadness and aches. Opened my eyes to certain things, how and why things happen, how those things change a person for good or bad, how it affects the way we think, feel and react on things thereafter. This is really learning experience for me, how we should always cherish family and friends and people who are dear to us, how we should always try to show them how important they are to us. So in the end there wont be any regrets, you can always say " at least i tried ". Thru all those things i learn, love and learned. This seem to be a really memorable year, makes me wonder what is next.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Merry Christmas? Is there really something to be merry about?

I remember how fun christmas was, maybe not this year. Just can't wait til' it's over. Being a grinch? Oh well who cares. It's almost the end of the year again, made me think how was my year and what I did with it. All I can say it was memorable for good and bad. I learned alot from it. And it came to the point that I even felt like falling off from a ledge and into a almost seem like a bottomless pit, but when I did reach the bottom, the pain of falling seem endless. Yet I kept climbing back on that ledge. What does that prove? You tell me...
People ask where is that pride of the lion? What pride ? LOL
But there's something I'm thankful of, made me realize how lucky I am to have friends and families that do care about me, who I've thought weren't as opened minded as I expect them to be. And it really surprised me. If it weren't for them hmmmn what would have happened next. Is the cold December getting to me? Am I getting cold? Hmmmn what I do know I got a cough and a runny nose which suxx.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

When you feel everything is coming to an end... then what?

Its been almost a month or so now, been fighting for something i cant let go of. Why do i feel like its almost the end, but yet i'm still not certain. Even though the situation is becoming a little bit easier to bare, why am i still dwelling on doubt? Why do i feel like this? Why is everything still a blur.
There's just no words to describe how i felt for awhile now.... When at first i know what im fighting for? Even though people tell me its time to let go, yet im still holding on.. But what's so different now? When things are getting better, isn't it supposed to be less pain to bare? less stress? less things to think about? Then what is goin on? Am i giving up? Am i close to the end? Am i starting to feel numb? I dont even know which one is the truth and which one is not, Everything is so confusing. When there is alot of opportunity to grab infront of me, why can't i make myself to do so. This all feels like a long and painful journey, I just hope all of this got something good at the end of this road waiting for me. I hope all this is just a test and to make me a stronger person. I hope all this got a reason. I know that i did things which i can't take back. Maybe i do deserve all these.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Another day...

Woke up with a hangover, didnt really wanna get up. Had to force myself to get up and get ready.
all i can think of is the same. I dont know how long i can keep doing this. Been blank in the head. I dont even feel like working. Since i have to work after church.
Decided to get off early from work.
SPARKS... in front of me.
ill just sit...
Thinkin...

Friday, October 31, 2008

i messed up

today was the day my heart fell.... gone....
i didnt wanna hurt anyone....
the problem all along was me....
i regret what i did...
i hope i could fix it....
i guess its too late...
i dont think she can accept me again....
she already gave up on me....
i dunno what else to do...
i dunno what else to think....
im all tied up....
stuck.....
how much im sorry means nothing anymore.....
theres no more purpose....
she will never come back....
theres fate....
gone....
i messed up.....